If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
