I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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