I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize