Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can I color on your dick again?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
