Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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