we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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