just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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