I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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