Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're a waste of cheezeits
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
