K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
