you turned your livingroom into a bong?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize