Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
