whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
