Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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