I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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