Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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