I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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