I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
