I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
