I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
