he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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