Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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