he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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