I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
