My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Drake has all the answers
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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