Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
