hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
false alarm, still single
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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