she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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