There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Pooping to opera.
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