It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
