That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
