i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
