i already hear my dad disowning me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
