yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
