Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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