I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
