I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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