It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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