let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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