If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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