I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
