He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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