Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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