She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
this is an emotional support booty call
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
