I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
