He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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