I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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