Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
