My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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