im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
