he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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