Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
