Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As shirtless as possible
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
