apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
