you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize