so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize