Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
