it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
