WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
