never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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