Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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