My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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