I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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