K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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