Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
