He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
