i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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