I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
