Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
