I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
