Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
